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Dear Diary....

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June 11, 2011

"You're serious?" My best friend asked. I just nodded in return finding it a little to difficult to actually give an answer. "So you really are bi? That's a lot to take in..."

"Don't worry though it's not like I have any feelings like that for you." I closed my eyes and laughed nervously.

"Oh..." She responded sounding a little off put but it was probably nothing.

That was about a month ago and the reason I told Sheryl, my best friend, was because I had found someone I liked. Her name is Mary and she's in the same math class as I. I started to realize I liked her from the moment I saw her, I had already known I was bi, and decided I would try to get closer to her. So far in the last month I hadn't been very successful, but I had at least gotten her number. She is a bit shy and doesn't talk much even though I try to get her to do so but she only nods and smiles, or so I thought but she seems more talkative around her other friends and it makes me feel sad that she is so close to them.

-Koko

June 22, 2011

It's been a little over two weeks and things still haven't changed much. I text her and she doesn't respond, it is really frustrating that she just doesn't respond. I went over to her house with another friend the other day but she said she was busy. She looked a little panicked upon seeing us but it makes sense since we just showed up without warning. I know that I actually like her but I'm starting to doubt whether or not I can really get close to her...

-Koko

July 1, 2011

So... I haven't gotten her to get to much closer she now answers my questions with yes and nos but doesn't text back. I am a little clingy and am often found close by if not hugging her and kissing her cheek, like her friends do. She doesn't seem to realize how I feel and I think it is pretty bad of me to do this since I am not exactly with the purest intentions. Summer Vacation is coming up and I don't know what I'll do then...

-Koko

July 5, 2011

So summer vacation starts today and guess what! Some guy confessed to me... I didn't know how to react cause he is the brother of a friend so I didn't want to be to mean but I didn't have any feelings for him. I rejected him telling him I liked someone else, leaving out the fact that they are a girl, they got upset but hopefully I don't ruin the friendship I had with his sister... Also on another note I sent a text to Mary about what she was going to do over summer and guess what? No response... I really am starting to think she dislikes me...

-Koko

July 28, 2011

It's been about three weeks since my last entry and nothing has really happened. I tried to go over to her house the other day and she wasn't home... So I ended up just hanging out with my other friend till it was late. I sent her another text asking if she had any free time and wanted to hang out but got no response, like usual. I guess I am annoying her... I've been thinking maybe I should just tell her I like her and just get it out of the way since things aren't going anywhere...

-Koko

July 31, 2011

OMG she actually sent me a text! It was just about how she was visiting relatives but it made me so happy that she actually replied. I sent her a reply saying "Aw well I wanted to hang out..." and she replied again! Just about how she wouldn't be free until school started... Of course that sucks but I'm just to happy about her replying! I was so happy I sent another message and she replied a third time! Though it was just how it was always raining which made her tired so she was going to go take a nap... Great after that I kept wondering what her sleeping face was like and I don't think I'll get much sleep...

-Koko

August 1, 2011

I only got a couple hours of sleep last night but I had a wonderful, well good and bad dreams mixed together, where I was talking with her and I confessed she rejected me. Sad right but after I ran away she began to chase after me and gave me a bouquet of yellow flowers wrapped in a ribbon. I looked it up and yellow flowers bloomed or blooming mean either I miss you or I want you and the red ribbon means love, deep love! I know it's just a dream but I can't help but feel happier!

-Koko

August 28, 2011

Well this month passed without much happening I practiced my cooking in hopes to wow her with my food but I never had a chance to go see her cause she is still visiting relatives... I want to see her so bad... I don't even have a picture, well I have one but it is really blurry, so it just makes me really depressed. My mom started to comment on it and I snapped at her that I am fine but to be honest I'm not. She doesn't know I'm bi though my step dad does. He actually encouraged me to go after girls! He can be such a pervert at times... but at least he is a good guy.

-Koko

September 12, 2011

School starts today! Will write more after school!

-Koko

September 12, 2011 (Again!)

So I found out I'm in her class again! Except this time her friends aren't in there also, sadly Sheryl is but she isn't very comfortable with me being bi so I'm a little worried. I managed to get a seat next to Mary. She is even talking to me, but I think I'm just a replacement for her old friends...

-Koko

September 30, 2011

Things have been going really well! We are talking a lot and she has even starting texting me! We are going to hang out this weekend! Now what should I wear...

-Koko

October 5, 2011

Everything went great! We went and saw a movie, though I hardly watched it god I am such a perv, but what do you expect she was wearing a very cute outfit and often found myself staring. She even caught me a couple times which made me blush and look away. I find I am drifting farther away from Sheryl but I think she would understand, at least I think she would, but I have been a little cold to her recently... I should talk to her more.

-Koko

October 11, 2011

I talked to Sheryl today and she seemed mad and ranted and raved about me spending all of my time with Mary. She seemed jealous but I didn't push it. She ended up insulting Mary which caused me to yell at her... I think I ruined my friendship... Then to make it worse for some reason Mary was avoiding me... God could today get any worse!

-Koko

PS It did I ended up finding out that Sheryl's grandma died of cancer recently.... God I really am a horrible friend...

October 13, 2011

Mary kept avoiding me recently so I decided I would confront her about it and cornered her in the restroom during lunch.

"Why are you avoiding me?" I choked out fighting off the tears.

"Uh... um... cause I.... I'm ruining your friendship with Sheryl! She stuttered at first but about concluded with a shout and ran past me with I was stricken with shock.

Oh god was she cute being all embarrassed like that. After regaining my ability to move I ran after her and told her not to worry and that things would work out between Sheryl and I so she didn't need to avoid me.

-Koko

October 15, 2011

Made up with Sheryl today. Things are still a little edgy between us but things should return to normal soon but it will never be the same as before as I told her why I had been spending more time with Mary than her. She wasn't to fond of the idea, of course, but she accepted that answer as a reasonable reason. She even said that she would probably do the same if she liked someone.

On another note Mary has stopped avoiding me and we are close again. It's obvious she still feels at fault for my problems with Sheryl but that was my own fault. To make her realize it isn't her fault I have been thinking it may be time to confess.. She'd understand then but I don't think now is really a good time...

-Koko

October 20, 2011

Great. Just great. I had finally convinced myself to tell her but no! Some dumb jock came up and confessed to me in front of her! I rejected him but he claims "You will come crawling back to me!" I just scoffed at his arrogance but when I turned back to Mary she seemed jealous... Don't tell me she liked that dumb brute! Yeah he is good looking but his personality is just atrocious! I asked her if she liked him but she denied it after looking at me for a second like I was crazy. I really don't know what's going on...

-Koko

November 28, 2011

Well I haven't written in awhile. I have been too busy to do so. Let's see starting from the beginning that guy decided to join our small group, god he is a pain. I wasn't able to talk to Mary at all because of him, and if I tried to plan anything he invited himself. To top it off her cellphone broke so I couldn't even contact her that way! This went on for a week before I complained to the teacher about sexual harassment and he was not allowed to sit within a range of five desks! Hah victory! Even Mary seemed happy about that, dispelling any thoughts of her liking him, and shortly after she got a new phone. Turns out that she left it in her pocket when it went through the washer .. and dryer. Apparently, the battery and everything broke ruining the entire load of laundry. To make up for the fact that we couldn't do anything for a week I asked if Mary wanted to hang out at my place that weekend. When the weekend came I ended sick with a cold ruining my plans. (Damn you cold! Well, actually I really should thank it... I'll write it soon.) She ended up bringing me some soup and, get this, hand fed me! It was amazing! The soup was great too, but here I was being fed by the girl I liked! It was like a dream come true but hey I was sick I could have been hallucinating... (I was not she even asked how the soup was on Monday, I was a little too sidetracked to think of much else at that time!) To apologize for now being sick and that ass I invited her to go with me to a spa on the next weekend. Luckily I did not fall ill and nor did she. Ah got to go to bed I'll finish this tomorrow!

-Koko

November 29, 2011

As I promised here is what happened on that spa trip. We got there without a hitch (it was about two hours train ride away) and took the slow path to get a good idea of where we were and our surroundings, as neither of us had been there before. After an hour of sight seeing our spa appointment was coming up and we made our way there. When getting ready for the spa you strip down to a towel right... well that means that we were to strip in front of each other. I was embarrassed but for the sake of her purity I vowed not to peek. That was until I felt as if I was being watched and slowly turned and our gazes met for a split second before I turned to face the floor to hide my blush. I didn't feel her gaze after that so I think she did the same. But why was she looking at me? I mean I know were both girls so it doesn't mean anything for her but it made my heart race. To top all of that off the spa was great and we both ended up extremely relaxed, that was until I found out that the trains had closed due to a problem with the rails. In other words we were to stay the night... we had enough money for a one bed room... Both of us offered to sleep on the couch but we didn't want the other to. We ended up sharing the queen sized bed and even though I was nervous and my heart was racing, undoing all the stuff from the spa, I managed to fall asleep. Here's the best part! When I awoke I found I could not move. Why? Because I was currently being used as a full length pillow and she was clinging to me quite tightly. I have never been as still as I was before, though I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest! Sadly she awoke about ten minutes later and, when she realized what she was doing, retracted her grip. I was a bit sad when she released her grip and I guess it showed on my face and she asked

"Is there anything wrong?" but I couldn't tell her the truth.

"No, I just think I slept to little last night." I lied hoping she would believe it which was slightly true as it is hard to easily fall asleep next to your crush. From then on it's been slow also and we had a lot of tests so nothing really happened. I'm thinking of telling her my feelings on Christmas (If I don't write it down I won't do it for sure.) Here's to hoping she is free on Christmas eve!

-Koko

December 5, 2011

So she will be gone to visit family the day after Christmas but she says she would love to hang out on Christmas Eve. So everything is all set and ready and I even have an itinerary planned for that day. If everything goes right I should be able to confess to her at the end of the night!

-Koko

December 18, 2011

Oh god! Am I really sure about this? What if she rejects me! What if she is disgusted and she leaves me and is no longer my friend? It's just all so very nerve wracking! I have six days until the 24th and here I am already questioning whether or not I can do it! I am thinking of borrowing some of my step-dad's beer just to help me relax!

-Koko

December 20, 2011

Four days until... yeah... I ended up having a beer with my step-dad (He said it was fine as long as he was there to make sure nothing went wrong plus my mom is busy visiting relatives so it's not like she'll find out). I'm a bit of a light-weight and was drunk after just one beer, not enough to not remember what happened but enough to prevent any logical thought. I ended up spilling the beans to my step-dad, about Mary and my plans, and he had this look in his eye like he was a bit too interested in what I had to say. (I think he is a little bit of a pervert...) We talked for hours and he gave me his blessing saying to go for it and that I would only hurt more if I didn't tell her. I wrapped him in a hug and he finished off by saying "and if that goes wrong you still have me!" I don't remember much besides me throwing up on his shirt after he said that (Oops...) and then waking up in my bed this morning, luckily, without a hangover.

-Koko

December 24, 2011

Today's the big day! Okay deep breath's Koko! You can do it! You know now that I think about it isn't it a little crazy to be writing a diary? I mean it's like talking to a wall... Okay! Enough with the wandering thoughts! Hopefully today will go great! I'm taking my diary with me to write in as the day goes on, just quick notes on how she is reacting so I fix any mistakes!

-Koko

She is blushing a lot today, it could just be the cold but I don't know.

She seemed to really like going around looking at the decorations.

She does not like seafood!

O god that was bad never bring up the topic of anime/manga again I ended up wasting like 30 min just talking about it!

We finally made it to dinner now where to go.... Definitely not seafood as she told me she can't stand it!

Should of brought more money was only able to cover 3/4ths of the meal...

Great I tripped and fell walking through the snow. She laughed a lot but I'm not sure how I feel about that....

Oh I need to stop writing so much down she is starting to notice....

December 25, 2011

I think I am in heaven... or that fall last night was harder than I remember.... She said YES! Well she didn't say yes because.... I never really said it....! Okay I have to go into detail what happened yesterday! Let's see the beginning...

It started off kind of slow I got to the station 30 minutes ahead of time and she arrived ten minutes before. Of course I told her I had just got there so as to not worry her. We first went to church, even though I am not religious I still go out of habit. We both made a prayer, i don't know about her but I prayed for the strength to confess. I know I don't believe so why did I do it anyway. Not important! After the church we got our blessing and made our way out onto the street. (Oh yeah what she was wearing!) She had a large white jacket, a blue scarf and mittens, and jeans as it was not snowing just cold. She looked absolutely stunning that when I first saw her I almost died, okay maybe not that amazing but my heart skipped like five beats. Also due to the cold I had a reason to hold her hand! The day was going great! After walking for awhile we ended up at an area famous for their decorations. They go crazy but I don't remember them to be honest. I'm sure Mary does as she was having a great time. I could tell because instead of looking at the lights I was looking at her and she had this large grin on her face, which was prettier than any light anywhere! I remember one thing that was kinda embarrassing...

"It's beautiful!" Mary said about the lights.

"...it sure is..." not realizing that I myself was not talking about the lights but her instead. Luckily she didn't catch on and from then on I paid a little more attention to the lights so I wouldn't slip up.

After the decorations we took a break over near the park fountain, which was surrounded by couples. I remember wondering if people thought we were a couple.... We got talking on things we liked and disliked and she made it very clear that she was not friends with seafood. She refused to tell why and she used my weakness of animes and manga against me and caused me to ramble about them for thirty minutes. I'm such a nerd.... but anyways I'm skipping to the end as that is where the best is at! We had just finished eating at an Italian restaurant and had decided to just wander again when we soon found ourselves out of the way from everyone else, more of a surprise to her it had been my intention from the beginning of that walk. Seeing we were alone I stopped causing her to almost fall because I gave no warning.

"Hey! Why did you stop?" She turned to face me causing me to look at the ground.

"I-I-I have something... I want to say..." I managed to stutter out still looking at the cobblestone path that had long since grayed with wear.

"I kind of do too..." Mary replied using her free hand to scratch the back of her head.

"Ah you go first!" I tried to buy myself more time.

"No you go first!" She practically begged making my knees quiver ever so slightly.

"Well... alright... Um.." I clear my throat. "I.. Um... I've wanted to... uh tell you this for awhile now...." I again stop to clear my throat. Anything to buy me more time. "Uh... well... you see... I'm... Uh how do I put it..." Man that cobblestone pathway is fascinating... when I suddenly felt two hands clasp onto my cheeks. "wait when did she let go of my hand?" I thought as my face was being pulled up to meet the two shining globes in the middle of her perfect face.

"I love you."

"Huh?" Did I just hear what I think I did.

"I am in love with you." She repeated.

"You're in love... with me....?" I repeated her statement as a question.

"I know its disgusting but-" She began began but I did not allow her to finish that sentence. I had grabbed her back and pulled her into me, crooked my neck slightly downwards, and pushed my lips against hers. It was like someone had set off fireworks and everything else in the world did not matter. It was just Mary and I alone in this perfect world, but nature hates us and we pulled apart so we could breath.

"So was that as good as you imagined it?" I ask jokingly but I don't get the answer I was expecting instead she grabs me and pulls me into another kiss. I hadn't fully recuperated from that last, and obviously nor had she, as we pulled apart earlier than the last one.

"Better." She answered my question.

My memory becomes pretty foggy after that. My guess is that the mixture of euphoria, adrenaline, and lack of oxygen are the cause. I remember telling her about how I got close to her because I had fallen in love with her and she told me that she had first ignored me because she didn't understand or accept that she had feelings for me. We kissed some more and visited a couple of other places but I only seem to have memories of her and not where we went. Sadly though curfew came and went and we both got grounded for staying out after curfew. Oops... At least we'll be able to see each other on new years! Honestly I don't know how I got to sleep last night but I can tell you that my dreams were filled not with sugar plums but with Mary. I don't know if this relationship will last or how my mom and her parents will react but I know that I won't let that get in my way... now I only have to wait six more days to see her again... It's going to be a long week.

Thank you for reading this story! It is actually originally based off of a person's story though names are altered from the stated (Slightly) and unlike her story this one has a happy end (She ended up giving up on her and I just felt like writing a story of what could have happened (if everything went right) The odds were against her that I know and it is a shame that things ended up that way. I posted saying I was writing the story and that if they had any problems with me doing so to tell me and the story will vanish like it never existed. Though I hope they do not.... Also this is my first time writing a story based off of diary entries and to be honest it kills a little bit of the excitement... Still I think it ended up fairly well.... Hopefully you like it and feel free to post any criticism or feedback of any sort. Though any hate that is not directed towards any logical thing with the story such as bigoted remarks on homosexuality will be laughed at mercilessly. Also I may do another from Mary's POV, may or may not be diary style...
A story of a girl named Koko as she writes in her diary about her trying to get close to the girl she likes. Based off of a true story but given a different ending then what happened in real life. Contains Girl's love, lesbian, Yuri, Shoujo ai (whatever name is of your fancy). Not up for download as I may or may not remove the story in the future. There is now a sequel in Mary's POV Here
© 2013 - 2024 kingsmexy
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